Chapter 16

           Itisalmostimpossibleformetodescribethefeverish,irritatedandcontradictorystateofmindinwhichInowbegantopassmydays.Withtheabsolutefixityofmyfortunes,myhumoursbecamemorechangefulthanthewind,andIwasneverabsolutelycontentedfortwohourstogether.Ijoinedineverysortofdissipationcommontomenoftheday,whowiththeusualinanityofnoodles,plungedintothefilthoflifemerelybecausetobemorallydirtywasalsoatthemomentfashionableandmuchapplaudedbysociety.Igambledrecklessly,solelyforthereasonthatgamblingwasconsideredbymanyleadersofthe‘upperten’asindicativeof‘manliness’and‘showinggrit.

           "Ihateafellowwhogrudgeslosingafewpoundsatplay,"saidoneofthese‘distinguished’titledassestomeonce"Itshowssuchacowardlyandcurrishdisposition."

           Guidedbythis‘new’morality,andwishingtoavoidthepossibilityofbeingcalled"cowardlyandcurrish,"Iindulgedinbaccaratandotherruinousgamesalmosteverynight,willinglylosingthe‘fewpounds’whichinmycasemeantafewhundreds,forthesakeofmyoccasionalwinnings,whichplacedanumberof‘noble’rakesandblue-bloodedblacklegsinmypowerfor‘debtsofhonour,’whicharesupposedtobemorestrictlyattendedtoandmorepunctuallypaidthananydebtsintheworld,butwhich,asfarasIamconcerned,arestillowing.

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