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Chapter 29

           Nevertheless,thereitwasoneofhisstrangenesses,likehisinabilitytolaugh.Jilldecided,afterherinitiationasashowgirl,thatsheenjoyedbeingvisuallyadmiredbecausethatwastheonethingMikedidnotgiveher.

           Butherownperfectingself-honestyandsteadilygrowingempathydidnotallowthattheorytostand.Themalehalfoftheaudiencealwayshadthatto-be-expectedhighpercentagewhoweretooold,toofat,toobald,andingeneraltoofargonealongthesadroadofentropytobelikelytobeattractivetoafemaleofJill’syouth,beauty,andfastidiousnessshehadalwaysbeenscornfulof"lecherousoldwolves"-althoughnotofoldmenperse,sheremindedherselfinherowndefense;Jubalcouldlookather,evenusecrudelanguageindeliberateindecencies,andnotgivehertheslightestfeelingthathewasanxioustogetheraloneandgropeher.ShewassoserenelysureofJubal’sloveforheranditstrulyspiritualnaturethatshetoldherselfthatshecouldeasilyshareabedwithhim,gorighttosleepandbesurethatbewouldalso,withonlythegoodnightpeckshealwaysgavehim.

           Butnowshefoundthattheseunattractivemalesdidnotsetherteethonedge.Whenshefelttheiradmiringstaresoreventheiroutrightlustandshefoundthatshedidfeelit,couldevenidentifythesourceshedidnotresentit;itwarmedherandmadeherfeelsmuglypleased.

           "Exhibitionism"hadbeentohersimplyawordusedinabnormalpsychologyaneuroticweaknessshehadheldincontempt.

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