Если я останусь
5:40 P.M.
Hehadlistenedtothatnurse,too.HegotitbeforeIdid.
IfIstay.IfIlive.It’suptome.
Allthisbusinessaboutmedicallyinducedcomasisjustdoctortalk.It’snotuptothedoctors.It’snotuptotheabsenteeangels.It’snotevenuptoGodwho,ifHeexists,isnowherearoundrightnow.It’suptome.
HowamIsupposedtodecidethis?HowcanIpossiblystaywithoutMomandDad?HowcanIleavewithoutTeddy?OrAdam?Thisistoomuch.Idon’tevenunderstandhowitallworks,whyI’mhereinthestatethatI’minorhowtogetoutofitifIwantedto.IfIweretosay,Iwanttowakeup,wouldIwakeuprightnow?IalreadytriedsnappingmyheelstofindTeddyandtryingtobeammyselftoHawaii,andthatdidn’twork.Thisseemsawholelotmorecomplicated.
Butinspiteofthat,Ibelieveit’strue.Ihearthenurse’swordsagain.Iamrunningtheshow.Everyoneiswaitingonme.
Idecide.Iknowthisnow.
Andthisterrifiesmemorethananythingelsethathashappenedtoday.
WherethehellisAdam?
AweekbeforeHalloweenofmyjunioryear,Adamshowedupatmydoortriumphant.Hewasholdingadressbagandwearingashit-eatinggrin.
"Preparetowritheinjealousy.Ijustgotthebestcostume,"hesaid.Heunzippedthebag.Insidewasafrillywhiteshirt,apairofbreeches,andalongwoolcoatwithepaulets.
"You’regoingtobeSeinfeldwiththepuffyshirt?"Iasked.
"Pff.Seinfeld.Andyoucallyourselfaclassicalmusician.I’mgoingtobeMozart.Wait,youhaven’tseentheshoes."
