Если я останусь
7:16 A.M.
Ihopetheywillnottakemydecisionpersonally.
IamsotirednowthatIcanbarelyblinkmyeyes.It’salljustamatteroftime,andpartofmewonderswhyI’mdelayingtheinevitable.ButIknowwhy.I’mwaitingforAdamtocomeback.Thoughitseemslikehehasbeengoneforaneternity,it’sprobablyonlybeenanhour.Andheaskedmetowait,soIwill.That’stheleastIcandoforhim.
MyeyesareclosedsoIhearhimbeforeIseehim.Iheartheraspy,quickrushesofhislungs.Heispantinglikehejustranamarathon.ThenIsmellthesweatonhim,acleanmuskyscentthatI’dbottleandwearasperfumeifIcould.Iopenmyeyes.Adamhasclosedhis.Butthelidsarepuffyandpink,soIknowwhathe’sbeendoing.Isthatwhyhewentaway?Tocrywithoutmyseeing?
Hedoesn’tsomuchsitinthechairasfallintoit,likeclothesheapedontothefloorattheendofalongday.Hecovershisfacewithhishandsandtakesdeepbreathstosteadyhimself.Afteraminute,hedropshishandsintohislap."Justlisten,"hesayswithavoicethatsoundslikeshrapnel.
Iopenmyeyeswidenow.IsitupasmuchasIcan.AndIlisten.
"Stay."Withthatoneword,Adam’svoicecatches,butheswallowstheemotionandpushesforward."There’snowordforwhathappenedtoyou.There’snogoodsideofit.Butthereissomethingtolivefor.AndI’mnottalkingaboutme.It’sjust...Idon’tknow.MaybeI’mtalkingshit.IknowI’minshock.IknowIhaven’tdigestedwhathappenedtoyourparents,toTeddy..."
