Голодные игры

           Thisisstandard.Familydevotiononlygoessofarformostpeopleonreapingday.WhatIdidwastheradicalthing.

           Themayorbeginstoreadthelong,dullTreatyofTreasonashedoeseveryyearatthispoint-it’srequired-butI’mnotlisteningtoaword.

           Whyhim?Ithink.ThenItrytoconvincemyselfitdoesn’tmatter.PeetaMellarkandIarenotfriends.Notevenneighbors.Wedon’tspeak.Ouronlyrealinteractionhappenedyearsago.He’sprobablyforgottenit.ButIhaven’tandIknowIneverwill.

           Itwasduringtheworsttime.MyfatherhadbeenkilledinthemineaccidentthreemonthsearlierinthebitterestJanuaryanyonecouldremember.Thenumbnessofhislosshadpassed,andthepainwouldhitmeoutofnowhere,doublingmeover,rackingmybodywithsobs.Whereareyou?Iwouldcryoutinmymind.Wherehaveyougone?Ofcourse,therewasneveranyanswer.

           Thedistricthadgivenusasmallamountofmoneyascompensationforhisdeath,enoughtocoveronemonthofgrievingatwhichtimemymotherwouldbeexpectedtogetajob.Onlyshedidn’t.Shedidn’tdoanythingbutsitproppedupinachairor,moreoften,huddledundertheblanketsonherbed,eyesfixedonsomepointinthedistance.Onceinawhile,she’dstir,getupasifmovedbysomeurgentpurpose,onlytothencollapsebackintostillness.NoamountofpleadingfromPrimseemedtoaffecther.

           Iwasterrified.Isupposenowthatmymotherwaslockedinsomedarkworldofsadness,butatthetime,allIknewwasthatIhadlostnotonlyafather,butamotheraswell.