Chapter 15

           IenteranightmarefromwhichIwakerepeatedlyonlytofindagreaterterrorawaitingme.AllthethingsIdreadmost,allthethingsIdreadforothersmanifestinsuchvividdetailIcan’thelpbutbelievethey’rereal.EachtimeIwake,Ithink,Atlast,thisisover,butitisn’t.It’sonlythebeginningofanewchapteroftorture.HowmanywaysdoIwatchPrimdie?Relivemyfather’slastmoments?Feelmyownbodyrippedapart?Thisisthenatureofthetrackerjackervenom,socarefullycreatedtotargettheplacewherefearlivesinyourbrain.

           WhenIfinallydocometomysenses,Iliestill,waitingforthenextonslaughtofimagery.ButeventuallyIacceptthatthepoisonmusthavefinallyworkeditswayoutofmysystem,leavingmybodywrackedandfeeble.I’mstilllyingonmyside,lockedinthefetalposition.Iliftahandtomyeyestofindthemsound,untouchedbyantsthatneverexisted.Simplystretchingoutmylimbsrequiresanenormouseffort.Somanypartsofmehurt,itdoesn’tseemworthwhiletakinginventoryofthem.Very,veryslowlyImanagetositup.I’minashallowhole,notfilledwiththehummingorangebubblesofmyhallucinationbutwithold,deadleaves.Myclothing’sdamp,butIdon’tknowwhetherpondwater,dew,rain,orsweatisthecause.Foralongtime,allIcandoistaketinysipsfrommybottleandwatchabeetlecrawlupthesideofahoneysucklebush.

           HowlonghaveIbeenout?ItwasmorningwhenIlostreason.Nowit’safternoon.