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The Egotist Considers
TheearlywindstirredthechintzcurtainsatthewindowsandhewasidlypuzzlednottobeinhisroomatPrincetonwithhisschoolfootballpictureoverthebureauandtheTriangleClubonthewallopposite.Thenthegrandfather’sclockinthehalloutsidestruckeight,andthememoryofthenightbeforecametohim.Hewasoutofbed,dressing,likethewind;hemustgetoutofthehousebeforehesawIsabelle.Whathadseemedamelancholyhappening,nowseemedatiresomeanticlimax.Hewasdressedathalfpast,sohesatdownbythewindow;feltthatthesinewsofhisheartweretwistedsomewhatmorethanhehadthought.Whatanironicmockerythemorningseemed!—brightandsunny,andfullofthesmellofthegarden;hearingMrs.Borge’svoiceinthesun-parlorbelow,hewonderedwherewasIsabelle.
Therewasaknockatthedoor.
"Thecarwillbearoundattenminutesofnine,sir."
Hereturnedtohiscontemplationoftheoutdoors,andbeganrepeatingoverandover,mechanically,aversefromBrowning,whichhehadoncequotedtoIsabelleinaletter:
"Eachlifeunfulfilled,yousee,
Ithangsstill,patchyandscrappy;
Wehavenotsigheddeep,laughedfree,
Starved,feasted,despaired—beenhappy."
Buthislifewouldnotbeunfulfilled.Hetookasombresatisfactioninthinkingthatperhapsallalongshehadbeennothingexceptwhathehadreadintoher;thatthiswasherhighpoint,thatnooneelsewouldevermakeherthink.