Поющие в терновнике

           Notoncehadheencouragedhertodreamofhiminanyrolessavepriestandfriend,forevenonthetwooccasionswhenhehadkissedher,shehadbegunthemoveherself.

           Whybesoangrywithhim,then?WhyhateRalphandnotLuke?Blameherownfearsandinadequacies,thehuge,outragedresentmentshefeltbecausehehadconsistentlyrejectedherwhenshelovedandwantedhimsomuch.AndblamethatstupidimpulsewhichhadledhertomarryLukeO’Neill.AbetrayalofherownselfandRalph.Nomatterifshecouldneverhavemarriedhim,sleptwithhim,hadhischild.Nomatterifhedidn’twanther,andhedidn’twanther.Thefactremainedthathewaswhoshewanted,andsheoughtnevertohavesettledforless.

           Butknowingthewrongscouldn’talterthem.ItwasstillLukeO’Neillshehadmarried,LukeO’Neill’schildshewascarrying.HowcouldshebehappyatthethoughtofLukeO’Neill’schild,whenevenhedidn’twantit?Poorlittlething.Atleastwhenitwasbornitwouldbeitsownpieceofhumanity,andcouldbelovedasthat.Only…Whatwouldn’tshegive,forRalphdeBricassart’schild?Theimpossible,thenever-to-be.Heservedaninstitutionwhichinsistedonhavingallofhim,eventhatpartofhimshehadnousefor,hismanhood.ThatMotherChurchrequiredfromhimasasacrificetoherpowerasaninstitution,andthuswastedhim,stampedhisbeingoutofbeing,madesurethatwhenhestoppedhewouldbestoppedforever.Onlyonedayshewouldhavetopayforhergreed.