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           Utterlydrybecausehehadn’trousedher,theevendriercondomscrapedandraspedhertissuesasheworkedhimselfinandout,fasterandfaster,thebreathbeginningtohissbetweenhisteeth;thensomechangestilledhim,madehimshudder,swallowhard.Thepaindulledtorawsorenessandhemercifullyrolledoffhertolieonhisback,gasping.

           "It’llbebetterforyouthenexttime,"hemanagedtosay."Thefirsttimealwayshurtsthewoman."

           Thenwhydidn’tyouhavethedecencytotellmethatbeforehand?shewantedtosnarl,butshehadn’ttheenergytoutterthewords,shewastoobusywantingtodie.Notonlybecauseofthepain,butalsofromthediscoverythatshehadpossessednoidentityforhim,onlybeenaninstrument.

           Thesecondtimehurtjustasmuch,andthethird;exasperated,expectingherdiscomfort(forsohedeemedit)todisappearmagicallyafterthefirsttimeandthusnotunderstandingwhyshecontinuedtofightandcryout,Lukegrewangry,turnedhisbackonherandwenttosleep.ThetearsslippedsidewaysfromMeggie’seyesintoherhair;shelayonherbackwishingfordeath,orelseforheroldlifeonDrogheda.

           WasthatwhatFatherRalphhadmeantyearsago,whenhehadtoldherofthehiddenpassagewaytodowithhavingchildren?Anicewaytofindoutwhathemeant.Nowonderhehadpreferrednottoexplainitmoreclearlyhimself.YetLukehadlikedtheactivitywellenoughtodoitthreetimesinquicksuccession.Obviouslyitdidn’thurthim.Andforthatshefoundherselfhatinghim,hatingit.