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Chapter 5

           AsIgotolder,Iunderstoodthedifference,andIknewIdidn’twannadie.Noteveninadream.

           Somenightmaresyoucan’twakeupfrom,nomatterhowmanytimesyoutry.Me,Iwastrappedinanightmare,andnomatterhowmanytimesIwokeup,Iwasstilltrapped.ThatIknewIwascaughtinaloopIcouldn’tbreakoutofwastheworstpartofall.Ifoughtbackpanic.

           Butwasitreallyhappeningtomeagain?

           ThesamedayI’dalreadylivedthroughtwicewasunfoldingagainaroundme.Ormaybeitwasallanightmare,afterall.OfcoursethingswouldbehappeningthewayIrememberedthem.Itwasallinmyhead,sowhynot?

           Thiswasridiculous.Ipunchedthemattress.

           HadIdreamedthatblackpointflyingatme?Wasthejavelinthatshatteredmybreastplateandpiercedmychestallinmyhead?HadIimaginedtheblood,thecoughingupbitsoflung?

           Letmetellyouwhathappenswhenyourlungsarecrushed.Youdrown,notinwater,butinair.Gaspashardasyoulike,crushedlungscan’tpasstheoxygenyourbodyneedstoyourbloodstream.Allaroundyou,yourfriendsarebreathinginandoutwithoutasecondthoughtwhileyoudrownaloneinaseaofair.Ineverknewthisuntilithappenedtome.I’dneverevenheardaboutit.Idefinitelyhadn’tmadethatup.Itreallyhappened.

           Itdidn’tmatterifInevertoldanyone,ifnooneeverbelievedme.Itwouldstillbetrue.Thesensationithadimprintedonmymindwasproofenoughofthat.

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