Чума
Part IV
AndIdecidedthatmeanwhile,atleastasfarasIwasconcerned,Iwouldrefuseevertoconcedeasingleargument,asingleone,tothisdisgustingbutchery.Yes,IchosethatobstinateblindnessuntilIcouldseemoreclearlyinthematter.
"SincethenIhavenotchanged.ForalongtimeIhavebeenashamed,mortallyashamed,ofhavingbeen—evenatadistance,evenwiththebestwillintheworld—amurdererinmyturn.WithtimeIhavesimplynoticedthateventhosewhoarebetterthantherestcannotavoidkillingorlettingothersbekilledbecauseitisinthelogicofhowtheyliveandwecannotmakeagestureinthisworldwithouttakingtheriskofbringingdeath.Yes,Ihavecontinuedtofeelashamed,andIlearnedthatweareallintheplague,andIhavelostmypeaceofmind.Iamstilllookingforittoday,tryingtounderstandallofthemandnottobethemortalenemyofanybody.AllIknowisthatonemustdoone’sbestnottobeaplaguevictimandthisistheonlythingthatcangiveushopeofpeaceor,failingthat,agooddeath.Thisiswhatmaygiverelieftomenand,evenifitdoesnotsavethem,doesthemtheleastpossibleharmandevensometimesalittlegood.AndthisiswhyIhavedecidedtorejecteverythingthat,directlyorindirectly,makespeopledieorjustifiesothersinmakingthemdie.
"Thatiswhythisepidemichassofartaughtmenothingexceptthatitmustbefoughtatyourside.
