Если я останусь

           MomfishedoutaherownvintageSonicYouthT-shirt—warningmenottotakeitofflestsomeonegrabitandsellitoneBayforacouplehundredbucks—andthepairofblack,pointy-toedleatherspikedbootsthatshe’dworntoherwedding.

           OnHalloween,shedidmymakeup,thickstreaksofblackliquideyelinerthatmademyeyeslookdangerous.Whitepowderthatmademyskinpale.Bloodredgashesonmylips.Astick-onnosering.WhenIlookedinthemirror,IsawMom’sfacepeeringbackatme.Maybeitwastheblondwig,butthiswasthefirsttimeIeverthoughtIactuallylookedlikeanyofmyimmediatefamily.

           MyparentsandTeddywaiteddownstairsforAdamwhileIstayedinmyroom.Itfeltlikethiswaspromorsomething.Dadheldthecamera.Momwaspracticallydancingwithexcitement.WhenAdamcamethroughdoor,showeringTeddywithSkittles,MomandDadcalledmedown.

           IdidaslinkywalkasbestasIcouldintheheels.I’dexpectedAdamtogocrazywhenhesawme,hisjeans-and-sweatersgirlfriendallglammedout.Buthesmiledhisusualgreeting,chucklingabit."Nicecostume,"wasallhesaid.

           "Quidproquo.Onlyfair,"Isaid,pointingtohisMozartensemble.

           "Ithinkyoulookscary,butpretty,"Teddysaid."I’dsaysexy,too,butI’myourbrother,sothat’sgross."

           "Howdoyouevenknowwhatsexymeans?"Iasked."You’resix."

           "Everyoneknowswhatsexymeans,"hesaid.

           Everyonebutme,Iguess.Butthatnight,Ikindoflearned.