Если я останусь

           Ididn’tfeellikeIbelongedwithmyfamily,andnowIdidn’tfeellikeIbelongedwithAdam,exceptunlikemyfamily,whowasstuckwithme,Adamhadchosenme,andthisIdidn’tunderstand.Whyhadhefallenforme?Itdidn’tmakesense.Iknewitwasmusicthatbroughtustogetherinthefirstplace,putusinthesamespacesowecouldevengettoknoweachother.AndIknewthatAdamlikedhowintomusicIwas.Andthathedugmysenseofhumor,"sodarkyoualmostmissit,"hesaid.And,speakingofdark,Iknewhehadathingfordark-hairedgirlsbecauseallofhisgirlfriendshadbeenbrunettes.AndIknewthatwhenitwasthetwoofusalonetogether,wecouldtalkforhours,orsitreadingsidebysideforhours,eachonepluggedintoourowniPod,andstillfeelcompletelytogether.Iunderstoodallthatinmyhead,butIstilldidn’tbelieveitinmyheart.WhenIwaswithAdam,Ifeltpicked,chosen,special,andthatjustmademewonderwhyme?evenmore.

           AndmaybethiswaswhyeventhoughAdamwillinglysubmittedtoSchubertsymphoniesandattendedanyrecitalIgave,bringingmestargazerlilies,myfavoriteflower,I’dstillratherhavegonetothedentistthantooneofhisshows.Whichwassochurlishofme.IthoughtofwhatMomsometimessaidtomewhenIwasfeelinginsecure:"Fakeittillyoumakeit."BythetimeIfinishedplayingthepiecethreetimesover,IdecidedthatnotonlywouldIgotohisshow,butforonceI’dmakeasmuchofanefforttounderstandhisworldashedidmine.