Если я останусь
4:57 A.M.
HadIbeenpayingattention,ImighthaverealizedthatWillowwaslobbyingforAdamtobeabletovisitme.HadIbeenpayingattention,ImighthavesomehowgotawaybeforeWillowwas—asalways—successful.
Idon’twanttoseehimnow.Imean,ofcourseIdo.Iacheto.ButIknowthatifIseehim,I’mgoingtolosethelastwispofpeacefulnessthatGrampsgavemewhenhetoldmethatitwasokaytogo.I’mtryingtosummonthecouragetodowhatIhavetodo.AndAdamwillcomplicatethings.Itrytostanduptogetaway,butsomethinghashappenedtomesinceIwentbackintosurgery.Inolongerhavethestrengthtomove.Ittakesallmyefforttosituprightinmychair.Ican’trunaway;allIcandoishide.Icurlmykneesintomychestandclosemyeyes.
IhearNurseRamireztalkingtoWillow."I’lltakehimover,"shesays.Andforonce,thegrumpynursedoesn’torderherbacktoherownpatients.
"Thatwasaprettyboneheadedmoveyoupulledearlier,"IhearhertellAdam.
"Iknow,"Adamanswers.Hisvoiceisathroatywhisper,thewayitgetsafteraparticularlyscream-yconcert."Iwasdesperate."
"No,youwereromantic,"shetellshim.
"Iwasidiotic.Theysaidshewasdoingbetterbefore.Thatshe’dcomeofftheventilator.Thatshewasgettingstronger.ButafterIcameinherethatshegotworse.Theysaidherheartstoppedontheoperatingtable..."Adamtrailsoff.
"Andtheygotitstarted.Shehadaperforatedbowelthatwasslowlyleakingbileintoherabdomenanditthrewherorgansoutofwhack.
