Паразит
IV
Oh,thatdevilishwoman!Thereisnodepthofbuffooneryandimbecilitytowhichshehasnotforcedme.Iwouldbeginmylectureclearlyandwell,butalwayswiththesenseofacomingeclipse.ThenasIfelttheinfluenceIwouldstruggleagainstit,strivingwithclenchedhandsandbeadsofsweatuponmybrowtogetthebetterofit,whilethestudents,hearingmyincoherentwordsandwatchingmycontortions,wouldroarwithlaughterattheanticsoftheirprofessor.Andthen,whenshehadoncefairlymasteredme,outwouldcomethemostoutrageousthings—sillyjokes,sentimentsasthoughIwereproposingatoast,snatchesofballads,personalabuseevenagainstsomememberofmyclass.Andtheninamomentmybrainwouldclearagain,andmylecturewouldproceeddecorouslytotheend.Nowonderthatmyconducthasbeenthetalkofthecolleges.NowonderthattheUniversitySenatehasbeencompelledtotakeofficialnoticeofsuchascandal.Oh,thatdevilishwoman!Andthemostdreadfulpartofitallismyownloneliness.HereIsitinacommonplaceEnglishbow-window,lookingoutuponacommonplaceEnglishstreetwithitsgarish’busesanditsloungingpoliceman,andbehindmetherehangsashadowwhichisoutofallkeepingwiththeageandplace.InthehomeofknowledgeIamweigheddownandtorturedbyapowerofwhichscienceknowsnothing.Nomagistratewouldlistentome.Nopaperwoulddiscussmycase.Nodoctorwouldbelievemysymptoms.Myownmostintimatefriendswouldonlylookuponitasasignofbrainderangement.Iamoutofalltouchwithmykind.
