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III
Ireallycouldnotfacethegardeneragain.Ilockedmydoorandthrustthekeyunderneathit,sothatIhadtoaskthemaidtoletmeoutinthemorning.Buttheprecautionwasreallynotneeded,forIneverhadanyinclinationtogooutatall.Threeeveningsinsuccessionathome!Iamsurelyneartheendofmytroubles,forWilsonwillbehomeagaineithertodayortomorrow.ShallItellhimofwhatIhavegonethroughornot?IamconvincedthatIshouldnothavetheslightestsympathyfromhim.Hewouldlookuponmeasaninterestingcase,andreadapaperaboutmeatthenextmeetingofthePsychicalSociety,inwhichhewouldgravelydiscussthepossibilityofmybeingadeliberateliar,andweighitagainstthechancesofmybeinginanearlystageoflunacy.No,IshallgetnocomfortoutofWilson.Iamfeelingwonderfullyfitandwell.Idon’tthinkIeverlecturedwithgreaterspirit.Oh,ifIcouldonlygetthisshadowoffmylife,howhappyIshouldbe!Young,fairlywealthy,inthefrontrankofmyprofession,engagedtoabeautifulandcharminggirl—haveInoteverythingwhichamancouldaskfor?Onlyonethingtotroubleme,butwhatathingitis!Midnight.Ishallgomad.Yes,thatwillbetheendofit.Ishallgomad.Iamnotfarfromitnow.MyheadthrobsasIrestitonmyhothand.Iamquiveringalloverlikeascaredhorse.Oh,whatanightIhavehad!AndyetIhavesomecausetobesatisfiedalso.Attheriskofbecomingthelaughing-stockofmyownservant,Iagainslippedmykeyunderthedoor,imprisoningmyselfforthenight.