Мартин Иден

Chapter 39

           Itwasnotapassionateletter. Therewerenotouchesofangerinit. Butallthewaythrough,fromthefirstsentencetothelast,wassoundedthenoteofhurtanddisappointment. Shehadexpectedbetterofhim. Shehadthoughthehadgotoverhisyouthfulwildness,thatherloveforhimhadbeensufficientlyworthwhiletoenablehimtoliveseriouslyanddecently. Andnowherfatherandmotherhadtakenafirmstandandcommandedthattheengagementbebroken. Thattheywerejustifiedinthisshecouldnotbutadmit. Theirrelationcouldneverbeahappyone. Ithadbeenunfortunatefromthefirst. Butoneregretshevoicedinthewholeletter,anditwasabitteronetoMartin. "Ifonlyyouhadsettleddowntosomepositionandattemptedtomakesomethingofyourself,"shewrote. "Butitwasnottobe. Yourpastlifehadbeentoowildandirregular. Icanunderstandthatyouarenottobeblamed. Youcouldactonlyaccordingtoyournatureandyourearlytraining. SoIdonotblameyou,Martin. Pleaserememberthat. Itwassimplyamistake. Asfatherandmotherhavecontended,wewerenotmadeforeachother,andweshouldbothbehappybecauseitwasdiscoverednottoolate." "Thereisnousetryingtoseeme,"shesaidtowardthelast. "Itwouldbeanunhappymeetingforbothofus,aswellasformymother. Ifeel,asitis,thatIhavecausedhergreatpainandworry. Ishallhavetodomuchlivingtoatoneforit." 

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