Chapter 1

Ifyoureallywanttohearaboutit,thefirstthingyou’llprobablywanttoknowiswhereIwasborn,anwhatmylousychildhoodwaslike,andhowmyparentswereoccupiedandallbeforetheyhadme,andallthatDavidCopperfieldkindofcrap,butIdon’tfeellikegoingintoit,ifyouwanttoknowthetruth.Inthefirstplace,thatstuffboresme,andinthesecondplace,myparentswouldhaveabouttwohemorrhagesapieceifItoldanythingprettypersonalaboutthem.They’requitetouchyaboutanythinglikethat,especiallymyfather.They’reniceandallI’mnotsayingthatbutthey’realsotouchyashell.Besides,I’mnotgoingtotellyoumywholegoddamautobiographyoranything.I’lljusttellyouaboutthismadmanstuffthathappenedtomearoundlastChristmasjustbeforeIgotprettyrun-downandhadtocomeouthereandtakeiteasy.Imeanthat’sallItoldD.B.about,andhe’smybrotherandall.He’sinHollywood.Thatisn’ttoofarfromthiscrumbyplace,andhecomesoverandvisitsmepracticallyeveryweekend.He’sgoingtodrivemehomewhenIgohomenextmonthmaybe.HejustgotaJaguar.OneofthoselittleEnglishjobsthatcandoaroundtwohundredmilesanhour.Itcosthimdamnnearfourthousandbucks.He’sgotalotofdough,now.Hedidn’tuseto.Heusedtobejustaregularwriter,whenhewashome.Hewrotethisterrificbookofshortstories,TheSecretGoldfish,incaseyouneverheardofhim.Thebestoneinitwas"TheSecretGoldfish."Itwasaboutthislittlekidthatwouldn’tletanybodylookathisgoldfishbecausehe’dboughtitwithhisownmoney.Itkilledme.Nowhe’soutinHollywood,D.B.,beingaprostitute.Ifthere’sonethingIhate,it’sthemovies.Don’tevenmentionthemtome.

WhereIwanttostarttellingisthedayIleftPenceyPrep.PenceyPrepisthisschoolthat’sinAgerstown,Pennsylvania.Youprobablyheardofit.

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