Chapter 1

           Ifyoureallywanttohearaboutit, thefirstthingyou’llprobablywanttoknowiswhereIwasborn, anwhatmylousychildhoodwaslike, andhowmyparentswereoccupiedandallbeforetheyhadme, andallthatDavidCopperfieldkindofcrap, butIdon’tfeellikegoingintoit,ifyouwanttoknowthetruth. Inthefirstplace,thatstuffboresme, andinthesecondplace,myparentswouldhaveabouttwohemorrhagesapiece ifItoldanythingprettypersonalaboutthem. They’requitetouchyaboutanythinglikethat,especiallymyfather. They’reniceandall—I’mnotsayingthat —butthey’realsotouchyashell. Besides,I’mnotgoingtotellyoumywholegoddamautobiographyoranything. I’lljusttellyouaboutthismadmanstuffthathappenedtomearoundlastChristmas justbeforeIgotprettyrun-downandhadtocomeouthereandtakeiteasy. Imeanthat’sallItoldD.B.about, andhe’smybrotherandall. He’sinHollywood. Thatisn’ttoofarfromthiscrumbyplace, andhecomesoverandvisitsmepracticallyeveryweekend. He’sgoingtodrivemehomewhenIgohomenextmonthmaybe. HejustgotaJaguar. OneofthoselittleEnglishjobsthatcandoaroundtwohundredmilesanhour. Itcosthimdamnnearfourthousandbucks. He’sgotalotofdough,now. Hedidn’tuseto. Heusedtobejustaregularwriter,whenhewashome. Hewrotethisterrificbookofshortstories,TheSecretGoldfish,incaseyouneverheardofhim. Thebestoneinitwas"TheSecretGoldfish." Itwasaboutthislittlekidthatwouldn’tletanybodylookathisgoldfish becausehe’dboughtitwithhisownmoney. Itkilledme. Nowhe’soutinHollywood,D.B.,beingaprostitute. Ifthere’sonethingIhate,it’sthemovies. Don’tevenmentionthemtome. 

           WhereIwanttostarttellingisthedayIleftPenceyPrep. PenceyPrepisthisschoolthat’sinAgerstown,Pennsylvania. Youprobablyheardofit.